Weight Loss

Pic of my recent weightloss.

Set Fire To The Rain

Loving this song right now. <3

Money Money Money

No not the ABBA song...although that is cool.

I'm doing a carboot sale on Saturday hopefully...going to sell as much as possible to get some money together and in the process...make some room in my bedroom.  Can't wait!!

Haven't heard anything about the job yet...he said it might be at the end of the week so could be tomorrow or early next week.  Fingers crossed anyway.  Just want to start earning some money again.

Played the Sims 3 and got a few trophies...a few more and I can sell the game on ebay lol.  I've already put Dead Island up.  I played that so much that I started to have dreams where I was killing zombies...one at my old job, one in my house and one generally on the island on Guernsey lol.  Bad times.

Job Interview

I decided out of the 2 choices (get signed off sick for another month or go for it and find a job) i would choose the latter.  I sent out one C.V yesterday and today i had a phone call for an interview.  Went and it was really good...I should hear back by the end of the week hopefully.  I just don't want to be sat at home thinking about things anymore and want to earn some money so I can save up and get off this rock for a while.  I need a break.

I'm feeling pretty low at the moment.  Just wish I had Chris here for some company.  Could do with a hug.  I feel like I just want to cry about everything.  But i'm trying not to.  I shouldn't be the one crying as I haven't done anything wrong.  Why should I be punished for someone else's stupidity?  Just taking each day as it comes.  Hopefully this job will change things for me.  

Roll on 3pm tomorrow so I can go see Chris and keep busy.

2 evenings in a row the whole island has had power cuts.  I turned my PC on...just uploaded something to facebook and BAM everything went off.  Sat in complete darkness...went downstairs with my torch to see if mum was ok.  I worry about her a lot.  She's very ill.

Yesterday evening Chris and I were about to play a game together on the PS3 called Demon's Souls...and we just set it up so we were ready to play and the power cut off for ages...and then when it did come back on it took ages for the internet to come back.  It sucked a bit.  

Played the Sims 3 today.  I created a character yesterday and said to myself "right...the first guy she meets she will have his kids"  Turns out it was her boss lol.  She joined the law enforcement career and the guy turned up in his police uniform looking all cool and good looking haha.  My sim liked him...I could tell.  Thing is he had a girlfriend but after a while my sim convinced him to dump her (i know how that feels) and then he moved in and now they have a baby girl.  N'aww.  They look cute together though.  I took a quick pic of them both in uniform lol.  I love the Sims.  I was a Sims 2 addict.  I love just going into a whole new world and new life and be someone else.  See how your life unfolds and what you could achieve etc.  Sad?  Maybe.  Care?  No.  

I wouldn't go as far as being addicted to WOW and playing it for hours on end like so many people do.  Sims is more me.  I like the whole being someone else thing.  I created myself on there once and ended up becoming mayor lol.  Had a dog called Lipsy and had 2 twin boys.  Can't remember their names now.  Although I think one was called Jayden...which would make sense because I like that name.

Here's a pic of my sim and her bloke...in uniform.

Cute aren't they? :)

Going to try and go to sleep now.  Been a long day.

Night x

Blog Re-Vamp

Hello,

Thought I would drastically change how my blog looked.  I made the banner and background myself.  I think it looks a lot fresher and pretty.

Going to upload some random photos in a sec.

I use this blog mainly to show off my random photography and any photoshoots I have.  I also type up my thoughts/feelings from time to time and put pictures of random things in my life.

It's a bit of a mixed bag here really.  I don't have a particular thing I blog about...it's just my life in a nutshell really.

Feel free to chat to me...I won't bite.  I might suffer depression but I am a bubbly, down to earth person and love to make new friends.  All comments are welcome.

Thanking you muchly :) xx

EDIT:  I have added more photos to the Reservoir Photoshoot post below. x

Photoshoot - Reservoir

Had a photoshoot today with Guernsey Photos again.

My Gorgeous Babies

Smudge, Truffles, Bo and Muffin <3

Just some quotes...

Sometimes you just have to hold your head up high, blink away the tears and say goodbye.

You never know what you have until you lose it, and once you lose it, you can never get it back.

I cried today... not because I miss you... or even wanted you... but because I realized I'm gonna be all right without you.

Sometimes all you need is a broken heart to realize that something even better is right in front of our eyes, just waiting to be found.

It's not that we aren't meant to be together, I think that we're just not ready for forever.

If your gonna make me cry, at least be there to wipe away the tears.

DailyBooth

http://dailybooth.com/xFallingStar i'm on there.

My Photography...

Just some pictures.

Fed Up...

Does anyone read this?  No?  Thought not.
Not sure I see the point anymore.
However...it beats screaming into a pillow I suppose.

I am...beyond fed up.
My life is awful.
No one gives a flying....

I am sick of the past being thrown in my face.
I am sick of people not understanding how upset I get...and continuing to insult me and have a pop at me.
I am sick of people feeling the need to bring me down when I am feeling good for once.
I am sick of people only thinking about themselves and not caring about others.
I am sick of people only talking to me when they want something.
I am sick of people taking the F****** P*** all the F****** time.
I am sick of feeling like this.
I want a F****** life!!!!!

Every F****** thing I do is a F****** problem to people.
Why?  It's MY LIFE.  Let me F****** live it how I F****** want to!!!!!

I am so F****** FED UP.

I do not need this constant crap in my so-called life.
I want to do things, see people, have a laugh without being questioned about it by people all the time.

I need to get away from here...it's all I think about.
What do I have here?  Grief?  Fantastic.

My dad is borderline leaving my mum now thanks to my poor excuse of a sibling who makes life hell.
My mum is ill with stress and anxiety and is housebound.
We are completely broke and can't afford the house.
I can't work as i'm not mentally well enough due to all this S*** surrounding me every F****** day!!!!
I have no support from anyone.
The only person who seemed to give a F*** turned out he didn't after all and left me.
The person who I am trying so F****** hard to hang on to doesn't seem to want to know.
Friends?  Who?  No one wants to know me like this.
I'm sorry i'm not F****** perfect everyone but neither are you!!!
Mistakes are made and my god haven't I made a F*** load.

Everyone can just leave me the F*** alone.
Then I can't possibly do anything to P*** anyone off!!!!!

F*** IT!

Photoshoot

Had a photoshoot done yesterday by my friend Laura.
Went to two different  locations on the island.  The weather was perfect too.

Here's a few...

Just hold me close inside your arms tonight...

Just have a little patience
I'm still hurting from a love I lost
I'm feeling your frustration
Any minute all the pain will stop.

Just hold me close inside your arms tonight
Don't be too hard on my emotions.

[Chorus:]
'Cause I
Need time
My heart is numb, has no feeling
So while I'm still healing
Just try and have a little patience.

I really wanna start over again
I know you wanna be my salvation
The one that I can always depend.

I'll try to be strong
Believe me I'm trying to move on
It's complicated but understand me.

[Chorus]

'Cause the scars run so deep
It's been hard but I have to believe
Just have a little patience [x2]

[Chorus]

Have a little patience
My heart is numb, has no feeling
So while I'm still healing
Just try and have a little patience

Confused

I wake up feeling ok...and then see something and think...what is going on?
I'm just really confused and don't know how  to feel right now.
I just really don't need this.

Just a quick video of me...

Just thought it would be easier than typing it all.

Not Feeling Great Today

Woken up feeling ill today...same thing happened the other day.  It's like i'm coming down with something...then it starts to get better...then it comes back...and so on.  It's rather annoying.

Got a lot to do today.  Been trying to keep myself busy so I don't think about things.
Whether I will get it all done today...is another matter.

Gotta go to the post office, bank, see a friend at the park, pick up Chris, go to the tip, go to the shop....and so on.  Never-ending list at the moment lol.

I'm still feeling horrendously down in the dumps.  Lee no longer wishes to speak to me.  I won't admit that it hurts...because I like to atleast stay friends with people...but then at the same time...I don't think I want to be friends with someone who can hurt me so bad and not even care or show a hint of emotion.  Heartless and cold it seems.  I don't have time for people like that in my life.  Unfortunately I wasted a huge chunk of my life with this person...but you live and you learn.

The friend I am seeing later at the park is someone who made my life a bit unbearable at school.  She was part of the gang of people that eventually made me leave.  I couldn't cope.  However...people grow up (you would hope) and she realised she was a bitch..as she quoted...and we get along fine.  So might aswell...nothing to lose.  I need friends more than ever right now anyway.  She knows i'm in a fragile state.

Last thing before I go...

A random picture:  Chris' kitty....Ellie.  Isn't she gorgeous? :) xx

Grand Theft Auto - San Andreas

My god do I want to play this game again so bad.  LOVED IT.  Had so many happy memories of when I was 16/17 and my best friend Helen coming round to my house after school.  We used to play it for hours on end.  So much fun!  I still prefer it to the recent one.

I remember just getting in a car and zooming off to the county part of the map and whacking on the K-ROSE radio station and listening to some awesome tunes.  Bed of Rose's, I Love a Rainy Night, One Step Forward, Louisiana Woman-Mississippi Man...amazing!

Memories....

and my fav:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H027APFs8vc&feature=related
For some reason the video won't work on here.  Meh.

And some piccies of the countryside where my friend and I spent most of the time driving round!

It's funny when you look back at the graphics but god I loved this game.

Untitled Blog Post

Finding life unbearable at the moment.  Wondering how much longer i'm going to be around.  I'm frightened but no one can help me.  I don't know what to do with myself anymore.

Me.

Just a pic of me.

Paramore - Monster

Love this song at the moment...

You were my conscience
so solid now you're like water
We started drowning
not like we'd sink any further
But I let my heart go
it's somewhere down at the bottom
But I'll get a new one.
come back for the hope that you've stolen

I'll stop the whole world
I'll stop the whole world
from turning into a monster, and eating us alive
Don't you ever wonder how we'd survive?
But now that you're gone the world is ours

I'm only human
I've got a skeleton in me
But I'm not the villain
despite what you're always preaching
Call me a traitor
I'm just collecting your victims
They're getting stronger,
I hear them calling

I'll stop the whole world
I'll stop the whole world
from turning into a monster, and eating us alive
Don't you ever wonder how we'd survive?
But now that you're gone the world is ours

Well you found us strength and solutions but I liked the tension
And not always knowing the answers when you're gonna lose it, you're gonna lose it.

I'll stop the whole world
I'll stop the whole world
from turning into a monster, and eating us alive
Don't you ever wonder how we'd survive?
But now that you're gone the world is ours

I'll stop the whole world
I'll stop the whole world
from turning into a monster, and eating us alive
Don't you ever wonder how we'd survive?
But now that you're gone the world is ours

Photoshoot - Newcastle

I've lost a stone in weight since these pictures were taken last month due to recent events.
It kind of upsets me a bit to look at them.
2 days after these were taken my world just seemed to fall apart.