Newcastle

Wow it's been a while hasn't it?
Then again I couldn't even remember my log in for this so had to sort that out lol.

Things haven't been so great lately.

I am currently unemployed after leaving my job.  Basically I totally lost it.  I just walked into work and broke down crying.  Ended up being signed off sick for a week...then went away to Bournemouth to see my friend Nadine and couldn't enjoy myself thanks to the new medication i'm on...and thought I should take some time out from work to get better.  So here I am.

Yes money is a bit of a problem but...health comes first.  I'll probs get a Saturday job or part-time just to get a little bit of money in to cover my loan costs which finish this year.

But yeah I was keeping a lot of feelings to myself and the girls at work were horrible to me.  They made it pretty obvious they didn't want me in their "clique" and avoided me at all times.  When I tried to make conversation they didn't want to know.  So after reporting them to the manager and being told something would be done about it as management had also witnessed it I thought "ah good this WILL get sorted"....and then the manager left.  The new manager comes along and says "try and forget what has already happened and start a fresh"

Excuse me?  So I am supposed to just ignore 2 (almost 3) months of bullying with a click of the fingers?  NO.

So after I walked in on Monday morning after I had been signed off...and not a single member of staffed said hello or asked how I was etc...and one even turned their head away from me when I had to sit next to them (they even turned their chair) I broke down and said enough is enough and handed my notice in that I had pre-typed.

When I left on Friday 2 people said bye.  The new manager gave me flowers and a card...and the woman who trained me called Angie who was lovely (but i rarely saw her) said bye and it was a shame i was leaving. However when I told her why...she hit the roof.  But the main person that bullied me had also bullied others.  I had a great job but was at the wrong branch with the wrong people.  The other branches where I had been training...the staff were lovely.  Got on with all of them and loved every minute.  I asked for a transfer but it wasn't possible and not guaranteed for a long time. It's a shame but I couldn't cope any longer.

If I didn't already suffer from severe depression then I might have been able to have brushed it off a bit better.  But unfortunately it was all too much.

The medication I am on....I was on the anti-depressant Fluoxetine for a few months but it wasn't really working.  So the doc has now put me on Venlafaxine which is stronger.  But it has made me go quite strange.

I find myself feeling confused a lot.  Not quite knowing what i'm doing.  I think about Suicide more often which is worrying.  But it also makes my sleeping patterns messed up.  I'm pooped during the day and open-eyed at night.  It's all a bit messed up.  So might ask for something else...but we shall see.

Things got even worse just recently when someone upset me a lot.  So I asked my best friend in Newcastle if I could stay with her for a few days.  It was short notice but when I told her what had happened she said to go up and it would be fine.  So I booked it for the next week.  I had never travelled on my own before.  I have a thing with planes.  I hate them.  I always assume I am going to die on one.  So I always travel with someone.  But this time I was alone.  I went to Manchester Airport (From Guernsey) which was about an hour and 20 mins.  Then a 3 hour train ride up to Newcastle.  By 1pm I was at the station and there she was.  I instantly felt better.  She made me feel so welcome and I had a blast.

I also travelled down to Durham to meet someone I have been chatting to for 2 years called Jon.  He was lovely.  He showed me round Durham and the Cathedral.  It's stunning.

Saw the Angel of The North yesterday before I got the train and plane back home.  It was a really nice visit and i'm going back next month.  I shall also be travelling down to Huddersfield to see my family for a couple of days.

Then in September I am seeing Lee Evans Live in London.  Should be good.

I shall try and post on the blog more now I know my log in lol.

Toodles xx